Ruthieonart

I really am painting....

2009-11-02T22:55:00.005-06:00

I am just not blogging about it. I guess I need to post pictures. This 3rd painting I have a strong emotional attachment to the subject and it isn't coming together yet, so I have not posted. I also recall I have not posted what John said on my critique. (OR, more likely I don't read my own blog!) I have been working on fixing some of what he suggested.

I discovered green dries slower than red.

I have been working on finishing the series RED. I should get up and photograph them too. I will later. (I need to eat a snack and do the website)

Painting four is now painting five and will come about when it is ready. But I like the idea a lot and interestingly enough God showed me exactly what He had in mind. I just need to capture it with the camera first. That may take some time and patience, but will be worth waiting for.

So I have a new number four. It is called Faith walk. It is a portrait of me after I had made a decision about a relationship, had it go bad and then turn around. It is just me smiling at the future. (Is that cryptic enough or I am in trouble?)

Critique

2009-10-08T23:29:00.005-05:00

Signs and Wonders

Rise up and Walk

I met with John today with my first two paintings. He likes them. There are some problems with them, but nothing that can't be fixed. I have a direction. He says keep painting, you are good, soon you will have it down.

I have to read from Art In America. One artist each month. Then as much as I want of "obscure artists [of faith]. I tried.

He liked Signs and Wonders the best. He said the aura which represents Christ becomes the subject of the painting. How cool is that? I couldn't have done that if I tried. We talked about the need for excellence when someone tries to depict their faith, to do otherwise is taking God's name in vain. I agree, I would like to see Christian artist go for excellence. That is what the movement in the church among artists is all about. Glorify God with beauty and excellence. It is nice to hear it from an unbeliever who gets it.

We talked about our lives a bit and how we have come out of hard times, the theme of painting Rise up and Walk. John was glad I am doing better and am on the other side of hardship. He is too.

I NEED TO BLOG! part deux

2009-09-28T23:02:00.004-05:00

Progress for so on painting two.

I NEED TO BLOG!

2009-09-28T22:50:00.005-05:00

This is the progression of the painting so far.

Painting class

2009-09-15T18:22:00.002-05:00

I am in the midst of what will be four paintings. I had to discard most of the ideas I had previous to class starting. All the paintings need to fit into the theme of self identify. I have decided to explore the spiritual side of my life. I came up with four personal messages that have affected my life. The messages were communicated in various ways over a period of years. For those who do not have a relationship with God that is up close and personal this may seem strange. But the God I love and know desires to communicate with us, all of us. He does so in a unique way that personally speaks to us. He has his own unique signature so we understand it is he who is communicating with us.

The first Painting is called Signs and Wonders. It is about a vision I mentioned in my last post.
I decided the photo I posted for the reference was too dark. I went to the original photo and lightened it. I found myself liking the work better. It is important to me to like what I paint. I will spend hours working on each one. I had to take the canvas and cover up the face with gesso. I took it back to school to put down the lines for the face again.

I added a light behind my face. I appropriated it from a painting by Olin Travis that I saw at the McKinney Avenue Art Center this spring. I kind of clicked with his paintings. They are very vision like, very dramatic.

My style of painting has changed from a deliberate breakdown of flat shapes to a more painterly style. I think it has to do with an increased confidence I have in my work and a new sense of inner freedom. I have less apprehension when approaching my work.

Painting two is about the experience I had when my name was called out at the Park Cities Presbyterian Church annual art show. There was an article written about me in their newsletter concerning this.

Theme Three winner Ruth Eshbaugh says of ”The Embrace”: ”The figures form a triangle as the two embrace. The Trinity is pictured; the Father, the Son and the relationship between the two depicted as an embrace representing the Spirit of God.”
Ruth’s work depicts the return of her own prodigal son. She says, ”I am very grateful to Jesus, who never left my side and reminded me that He called me... He has been at work. He was there when I could only roll up in a ball and cry in bed. He did not leave me there. He is faithful and good.
My next art piece is about being raised up from depression into joy and fulfillment. It is about worship.
”What I saw after my name was called in a church full of people [as a winner] was me in the fetal position having been stricken over and over and knowing that Jesus brought me to that place that night. Now that is art.
”It wasn’t enough that I won the award, my art was used in worship at my church and at Park Cities. I think He just wanted to drive home the point. I was honored, deeply honored, and I want to say, ‘thank you, Lord.’”
—Lawan Andersen

Painting three
This is still in the concept stage. It is about my call to ministry. The painting is called “be beautiful” based on Isaiah 62. I have written about this too.

Confirmation- Among the watercolors- Written to my ministry Team Dec 30, 2001

Dear Ladies,I just spent 3 days at Women’s Evangelism Training at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth. The second day, I was walking through their beautiful new leadership education building while I was on break. I decided to rest my overflowing mind and look at all the watercolors that lined the halls. I also found the round stained glass windows that hang over the lobby areas on each side of the building. I had interviewed the artist who had created them when we were looking for an artist to do our window. It was exciting to see the windows up close. As I strolled I was asking God what He wanted me to do. I had come to the training determined to be open to whatever the Lord spoke to me about. And as you know, He had been speaking to my heart about humility and pride again. But this time, He whispered to me, “Be beautiful. Can you be beautiful for me?” That really does something to your heart when you hear that from the Lord. “Yes,” I said, “I want to be beautiful for you.” And I really believe He can do that in me. I was impressed that He ask nothing of me or gave me nothing “to do.” He just told me how He wanted me to be.
And as you would have it, the teachings I heard that day were detailed in how to be that beautiful, spirit-filled over flowing woman, a woman who leaves a fragrance wherever she goes. And these teachings were presented by the most lovely woman. Their passion for the Lord had them in tears every time they spoke. I came expecting polished speakers. They may have been. I didn’t notice, because all I could see was their transparency and openness to what God could do through them. Be comforted in knowing what kind of woman inhabits the leadership of our convention. I was blow away..
What God was showing me is how concerned I am about how I am perceived and if I am received by others or not. When what the Lord wants to do is use me to tell others about him. I was able to share that in confession in one of our breakout prayer times. I could see clearly how my self concern, which is a form of pride, keeps God from working through me.
I have been concerned about being received because of the difficult seasons in women’s ministry. I had seen things in leadership that grieved me. I was hard pressed to find anyone who was even willing to pray with me. I was untrained, unconnected, without support. But I was called, so somehow I walked through it. I called it the dark night of my soul. I was wounded. I don’t think the women I served with understood how badly wounded I was. And it has been pride that has kept me from admitting my hurt, dealing with it, confessing it, and then going on to forgiveness. My pride almost kept me from going forward. It was why I took three months off. But I am determined to keep on and my three months off was the best thing I ever did. I have really tried to get “over it.” I have tried to bless the ones who hurt me, serve the ones who didn’t actively support me. I have tried to forgive. I really don’t think being able to shake this is totally a forgiveness issue. It’s also a confidence thing. I have felt pretty inadequate and God has allowed other people to confirm that in me by things they have said. It is an arrow that Satan has effectively used to hold me back, keep me in fear, and make me plan just want to run and hide. It is hurtful to hear those things about yourself, but there was something in those things God was trying to teach me. And it is s this: the only hope I have is in what those lovely ladies taught this weekend about being a leader and living for Jesus. I will never be polished enough, or administrative enough. But I will try to learn some of that because I serve in Plano and it is something people value and respect. But I will be transparent, and I will weep with those who weep, and mourn with those who mourn. I will celebrate your victories and cheer you on. I will take risks and put myself in places where I can be wounded again. Because I am called, I cannot retreat, or retire. My only hope is to be a vessel for the Lord. Any success I have will be because I have yielded and allowed God to work through me. I know the only way I can speak is if He fills me. And I am called to speak, because He was given me things to say. I can try to argue like Moses that I am not eloquent to speak. To that He would say, I will be with you and I will give you the words.
Thursday late the leaders asked us to go off by ourselves and let God speak to us. We then got together and read the scripture passage He used to speak to us this week. My verse was from Isaiah 62

“For Zion's sake I will not keep silent , And for Jerusalem's sake I will not keep quiet, Until her righteousness goes forth like brightness, And her salvation like a torch that is burning. And the nations will see your righteousness, And all kings your glory; And you will be called by a new name, Which the mouth of the Lord will designate. You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, And a royal diadem in the hand of your God. It will no longer be said to you, "Forsaken," Nor to your land will it any longer be said, "Desolate"; But you will be called, "My delight is in her," And your land, "Married"; For the Lord delights in you, And to Him your land will be married. For as a young man marries a virgin, So your sons will marry you; And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, So your God will rejoice over you.”
On my own, I will fall flat on my face. I realized I am stepping into something much bigger than myself and I need to leave that self concern and hurt behind. I am stepping into something beyond myself and I can only get there in faith. I can only do the tasks before me in His strength.

A Challenge- to the TeamDuring my time off from Women’s Ministry

I started to read “Jesus on Leadership”. At one point in the book the author says, “If you have not fully committed yourself to the Lord, close the book and set it down and don’t pick it up until you are willing to surrender your life to the Lord and make it public.” I set the book down and have not picked it up since. About a month ago I came to that point of being willing to surrender to the Lord. To tell you the truth it was after reading Foxes book of martyrs. I had no more excuses. There was no earthly reason to not give my whole life to Jesus for His work. I told this to the Evangelsim Team, but I need to go forward in church. I have not gone forward in church because I have been wounded. My fear is I will go forward and people will think and perhaps say in there own way, that I am not polished enough or gifted enough to do what I am saying I am called to do. That they really don’t see any potential in me. And to be bluntly honest, that is true. Unless I am that filled vessel there is little potential in me. There will be no fruit. Being that filled vessel is my only hope, because I cannot retreat, I have to go forward.

I am saying all of this because I need to confess to you the truth about myself, about my struggles, my pride, but also to confess what God has called me to do.

I say all this because I believe some of us are wrestling with the same challenge I have been, “If you have not fully committed yourself to the Lord, close the book and set it down and don’t pick it up until you are willing to surrender your life to the Lord and make it public.” There are some of us who need to begin to allow that challenge to rise up in us. God is calling each of us, not just me. I am as sure of that as I am that Jesus Christ rose from the dead. I am to challenge us as leaders, because the Lord has asked me to do so.I pray you will receive this from my heart because I love you and needed to tell you these things.

Ruth
Painting four – the blessing… still in the works.

Canvas

2009-08-29T11:42:00.006-05:00

Last night I cleaned the garage to get ready for painting class. Since Scott and I continually fought over whose garage it was; his dance studio or my art studio, well he is gone and in Austin and the GARAGE IS MINE. Enough said.

Part of my goal last night was to take a survey of the stretchers and frames I have. All I can say is if I were to die and people had to sort through my stuff, they would just scratch their heads and when they found:

one 42 x 30 stretched canvas with gesso
one 35 x 25 stretched canvas with gesso

pairs of stretchers
48" 0ne pair
34" three pair
36" one pair
24" one pair
16" 40 pair, yes, yes, yes 40 pair

Finished frames without canvas or gesso

one 36 x 48 frame
seven 12 x 26 frames
ten 12 x 12 frames

I know this gets weird. But I had this idea last time I took class that I never got to called Skywatcher. I was going to make a grid of canvas with different "captures" of the sky.
Now I am really at a loss as what to do with them. Maybe I will try to capture bits and pieces of the sky that capture my attention and place them on a canvas grid. I think I had some words to go with them. I might be able to find it in a notebook. Something tells me it will be worth the while.

August 25, 2007 (from my other blog, which wants to be an art blog too)

Sky Watcher SeriesMoon Motives and SkyNow for the works in masonite. These will be on a grid. They are the first of what I am calling sky watcher pieces. I got this idea over the summer as I was riding my bike. I am a sky watcher. I wanted to start photographing the sunsets and do them in a painting with each grid piece a different day and piece of the sky at sunset. Then when I wrote the moon poem I decided to do one of the moon. Years ago I did one of the moon and haiku. It was a watercolor and was accepted into a show at the Brevard Art Center in Melbourne FLA for the juried exhibit they have each year. It was a big deal. I got in, but my friend Kathy didn’t and neither did my watercolor instructor. The judge was looking for different. That was me.
It is late... more picture in the a.m.

So I have been looking through old notebooks looking for the genesis of these ideas. What I found was the poem that gave me the line Deep Down Inside My Soul the Moon is Full which means I am soul satisfied. But the how to how I get there was through the poem which is life. I somehow get to soul satisfied but it goes way of my heart which is full of all kinds of things and distractions. My heart is messy, but over flows. It slips me up, but draws me to God all at once.

My heart right now is a mess but closer to God than it has been for while, so I am thankful for that.

The poem for all it is worth...

Motives

The moon

marks out time

it mocks me

measuring

my hearts response

it waxes

and it wanes

it never stays the same

never lies

always wise

and it shines

it's light

on me

surrounded in

mystery

knows my hopes

my fears

my relief

it enters in

my peace

explores

my motives

lays my

heart bare

then

it waxes and wanes

it never stays the same

it never lies

always kind

opens my mind

to see

this mystery

called love…

So maybe I will pick up this idea, maybe I won't. I am not a blank canvas, I am like one than has been used and cover up. There is lots of texture there. I just need to work with it because it makes the painting interesting.

I am going to paint about a vision I had. I will post the reference photo I want to use and link the blog entry about it.
Here is the link Burden. So very, very weird. I danced to this song this a.m. like I had to. Worshipped like haven't for awhile. I just shared this song with someone who just wrote me off.

Advance Painting

2009-08-28T12:24:00.005-05:00

OK.

All summer I thought about and planned for mixed media. Now I am taking advanced painting and I have some thinking and planning to do as I hit the ground running...

The assignment is 4 to 5 paintings exploring personal identity. Since I am self portrait mad, I think OK. However, I want to do something fresh and with some depth. So I am going to have to brood about for awhile, some alone time, some letting my mind go time, some sacred direction I would hope.

I wanted to do a mixed media piece about being crushed emotionally by a series of events, being really low and then being raise up in hope by the strength of Christ. That image came to me when my name was called out, the night I won first place at the Park Cities Presbyterian Church Art Show. I saw myself curled in a fetal position as I looked up at the stage and listened to the speaker briefly talk about my work. The Lord said in the still small voice, "I was there with you then, I am here with you now." I thought my next piece of art should be about that. Maybe it is a dyptic. I have done something like that for John Pomara, my professor before called Shame and Worship.

New Photo on the Top

2009-07-23T21:38:00.007-05:00

What that is is MIXED MEDIA. Gesso and charcoal and pastels. [20 x16] I cheated and added color. Can't wait for class to start even though I won't be there. I will be doing independent study.

But all the same I will be pleasantly obsessed.

This is the water wall under the National Gallery of Art in D.C. One of my favorite places on earth. I was running through the passage trying to find Georgia O'Keeffe as the museum was closing. I saw this window and the water wall. I stopped and snapped a photo and ran. Later when I looked at it I went WoW!

2003

It's been a long time. I am in this for the long haul.

My art in relationship to photography

2009-07-18T01:38:00.000-05:00

Somehow along the way art that was photography based as acquired in classes at UTD crossed a line from reference photos to, man this is addictive and I take 1000’s of pictures and I don’t know enough and hmm… I need a new lens.

I took drawing concepts and we started off with a “lines in landscape” assignment. That is all it took. Since I am a graphic designer and work often with photos, to make art from photos seems like breathing. Next came mixed media, again my files are full of reference work. Silkscreen, yikes! Even oil painting and my obsession with the self portrait feeds this growing need to capture something more than… a face but also that emotion and personality of the person.

I started with self portraits to help me document like a diary my emotions in relation to catastrophic events surrounding the dissolution of a 25 year marriage. I can’t explain it except I was so out of touch with my emotions I had to see them through the camera. Being a playful person this lead to many other capturings of what I call my multiple personalities. I can say that these ladies helped me find myself and grow beyond the shadow of a person I was… made me laugh too.

Once I become comfortable with photographing myself and sometimes turning it into art I began to take other people’s picture with the same goal, to somehow capture more of them, as much of them as I can. Some have become art, some are waiting to become art.

As I prepare to take mixed media again I am primed to set this process in motion and see what happens next.

Deep Down in my Soul the Moon is Full

2009-06-18T20:57:00.000-05:00

This is a blog cross over. I started this thread on the blog Transitions, which had the title Only Hope Can Know. It was originally All That is Left is the Color Red. I switched back to that title after thinking about it all week.

I am painting the four self portraits from the banner. They are like 36 x 24 ish, I don’t want to get up and measure them, substantial in size will suffice. There is another poem like thing attached to them.

The paintings are a cross over into mixed media and a break though, so my painting teacher John Pomara says. (he is somewhat famous in Dallas, which is cool, nice guy, the DMA owns one of his paintings.) They will be a break through if… I finish them and if... I keep the direction I was going that John picked up on. I didn't see it until he pointed it out. Used the world painterly, one of my favorite art words!

The plan:

finish them before I actually start mixed media in August like I told Greg I would.
The words I am putting on the paintings are:

Deep down

In my soul

The moon

Is full

One line per painting.
The meaning of this haiku-ish poem is simple;
It means I am content even when things around might not add up to contentment. I am soul satisfied.

Just the way a full moon makes me feel, any moon.

I am a sky watcher.

They are so very unfinished I don’t want to post them.

I will post the Photoshop art.

The portraits were taken August 2007. That is when I wrote the two poems. The paintings were started then too.

What's up?

2009-06-10T23:55:00.000-05:00

The art status.

I submitted the painting Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil to the New Texas show. I have worked on it. Struggling with the colors. Since I started school I won't probably get back to it until Friday night. I plan to do a piece for the member show at the MAC.

Saturday I am volunteeing with The Contempory for an art event in the Arts District. I will be working with kids. I really like Diane Sikes who is their education director. I love volunteering for The Contemporary. I just have a great time when I do. It is one of those things I do for myself.

At church I met with the Children's director. I am doing art with the kids at our Freedom Fest on the 4th of July. We talked about me talking on the 5th Sundays. Making them an art time. I plan to meet with some friends to get input and start to put together a team of artists. The youth may be involved, I hope. I am very excited about this.

I am ready to start some colored pencil drawing and watercolor. They are florals which I took with my camera. The dream is to start my own stationery company. The inspiration is my sister Margaret who asked me to do a garden theme.

I was asked through my artist friend Brenda to lend two of my mixed media pieces to be used in Bible study at Christ Church in Plano.

Lots of art going on. Art Ministry lives... Because He lives.

Progress

2009-05-26T00:18:00.000-05:00

YesterdayToday Ambitious
Tired out.
I did smear paint. Hummmppp!

I will get back to the Nasher

2009-05-01T00:20:00.000-05:00

I won first place in the Park Cities Presbyterian Church Art Festival. I have been writing a lot about being an artist. I have been telling people I am an artist. I know that probably seems vain, or unnecessarily. But I need to. Because I am becoming that, and I don't feel like I am there. But I did Saturday. And I feel an obligation to continue this journey, because it seems like an open door.

I want to do art ministry, this will help me.

So many things are happening to me, some apparent, all in process but much in the background for now. There are things I want to tell everyone about, but not yet. I am trying to adjust to my new life, it is good. Very good.

I just want to say, I am very, grateful to Jesus who never left my side and reminded me that He called me. Now that there is some evidence of that, people have to admit it. I tell you He has been at work. He was there when I could only roll up in a ball and cry in bed. He did not leave me there. He is faithful and good. My next art piece is about being raised up from depression into joy and fullfillment. It is about worship.

What I saw after my name was called in a church full of people was me in the fetal postition having been stricken over and over and knowing that Jesus brought me to that place that night. Now that is art.

It wasn't enough that I won the award, my art was used in worship at my church and at Park Cities. I think He just wanted to drive home the point. I was honored. Deeply honored and I want to say thank you Lord.

Trash the Nasher - part one

2009-04-26T00:18:00.000-05:00

When my Gallery Management class went to the Nasher Sculpture Garden on Saturday, April 25th we knew that our professor Greg Metz was going to trash it. In his own words, as an artist, an educator, a person who has traveled widely visiting museums and galleries, he believes the intuitions who exhibit art have a duty to place the work within its historical context and help preserve the intent of the artist who created the work.

The architecture of the Nasher is world class, the art work amazing, but something happens that is less than desirable in the context of the design of the exhibits, especially the placement of art in the sculpture garden.

The architect Renzo Piano designed the Beyeler Museum in Basel, the Menil Collection in Houston and Georges Pompidou Centre in Paris (in collaboration with Richard Rogers). While we waited for Greg to arrive I went inside the museum and was struck by the beauty of the building. I was wondering what it was that he objected to so much. It turns out Greg has no objections to the building. He said that Ray Nasher was very particular about his legacy and that Piano was a great choice. His only improvement would be to take the honey combed roof and raise it up about 3 feet from the glass roof. The roof is designed to keep the damaging sunlight from the art, but allowing for the light to fill the building. It is busy and distracts from the minimalistic approach to the rest of the building.

What Greg pointed out which amazed me was that you can’t see this beautiful building from the street. The building is hid behind magnolia trees, oleander bushes and bamboo. We were asked to walk around the building after the lecture and see for ourselves.

The building was designed with the idea of an archeology dig with in an urban culture. The travertine marble on the outside of the building is rough, while inside it is smooth helping to transition the visitor from the outside urban setting to the refinement of the minimalistic setting of the gallery space.

Nasher’s collection of modern sculpture defined as art from the 1860 through the 1960’s and his dedication to bringing this art to Dallas made him known as the Ambassador of art to Dallas. I have visited the museum on several occasions and have caught other parts of the collection as they rotate through the gallery.

As you enter the building there is a gathering space. Where the front desk is and where groups like ours gather. It had a strange combination of sculpture pieces. Amazing enough a post modern Jeff Koons baroque bust across from an Eskimo monolith – like piece and a green drop like piece that was place in a traffic flow area. Needless to say, it didn’t work. And having Greg point it out was just amusing. The work was unbalances in its presentation and weird. The large green piece might have held its own against the Koons work, but the Eskimo piece needed to be isolated somewhere because if its busyness and overpowering size.
To be continued. (It gets better)

Flower and things I love

2009-04-02T00:48:00.000-05:00

Just recently a woman who I used to mentor asked me via Facebook to do a bluebonnet portrait of her daughters. I am looking for a good spot this year, the wildflowers have just starting to come out. I am very jazzed about this on several levels. I have not seen my friend in two years. She is very brave in letting me do this. We had left our friendship on pause at my request; I thought it was best to cut all connections. But I told her that it wasn’t forever, but for a season. So it is spring and the wildflowers are getting ready to dazzle us and I am renewing a friendship. That is a beautiful thing. Her youngest modeled for me once for a sermon cover. I have a copy of it framed that I have been waiting to give my friend for two years.

The portraits will become part of the portrait project I am doing in order to become just that a portrait photographer and painter. Some of the portrait project will become art. I just don’t know what yet.

Anyone else who would like to be a part of this, contact me. We will set up a date.
I love flowers and I love spring and I am sharing the best of last Saturday’s find.

Art Theraphy

2009-03-30T00:34:00.001-05:00

Yesterday when I went into Dallas to deliver my mixed media piece to the show I took my camera and a plan to check out a few shows for my class. I decided on stopping by the MAC, the McKinney Avenue Contemporary. I did a little exploring which loosely translates as letting myself get lost. But in doing so I made myself better acquainted with the area. I found some dogwood trees that were still blooming, some azalea and tulips all by Turtle Creek. Great find. So I was very happy with my little photo session.

I went to the MAC and was pleasantly surprised by the show. The artist in the main two galleries was a man named Olin Travis, the show called People, Places and Visions. The first room houses what I thought was the more serious art. It is dramatic in theme and execution. All the work has dramatic sources of light, lots of colors that fade into blacks. They are full on human emotion and pathos. As I took my time studying each one I was taken in by them, they struck a chord with me that was unexpected. I also related into them through my own art. I could see a connection that I have with. I bought the catalog so I will be able to reference that paintings when I work. I want to try some things I saw in them. The first room had both figures and an environment; I won’t say landscape because the landscape was invented. The other room held his more traditional landscapes and portraits that I loved because of the subject matter and the more impressionist rendering of the work. You could see the influence of the Impressionist and post impressionist cubist painters in his work. One of the landscapes was of a boat dock at White Rock Lake. That is when I realized the painter was a Texas artist. I did not know until I read the catalogue that the MAC at its inception was determined to celebrate early Texas artists. I wondered why the art was not contemporary.

On particular painting stood out to me, its title was Man Mourning a Lost Hope. It isn’t hope in general, that is being mourned but a highly valued hope. The artist achieved that by composing the painting with a small figure seated at the bottom of a huge canyon like cityscape. It seemed to say to me that all the things that the world has to offer will be mourned, have the capacity to cause us to feel at loss. Looking at the art I knew I was at that place. I think if we are honest all of us have been there from time to time. There has to be something different. Like Solomon said in the book of Ecclesiastes, all is vanity and chasing after wind.

I have experienced a lot of loss but this sense of loss is different. It is a hope I had for myself, a personal goal, a sense of accomplishment. I don’t think that it is a bad thing to be at the end of, but that doesn’t make it less of a loss. It is giving up doing life my way. And when I looked at the painting I could no longer deny that there was a message in it for me that God had been waiting to deliver.

Art Rag III

2009-03-28T19:13:00.000-05:00

Since I am taking the gallery management class and I have entered an art show in a faith based community I thought I should offer to volunteer for some aspect of the show. I know that the event is very labor intensive. When I went to drop off my art piece I asked the woman who checked me in who I could talk to about volunteering to help hang the show. We have done installation in class. I just attended a three hour lecture by my professor Greg Metz who is known for his work in installation. The lady “in charge” was pointed out to me. I went and introduced myself, told her I was a student at UTD and was interested in helping hang the show and could receive class credits for helping. Over the course of the conversation I was basically told “I don’t want to bother with you.” I have thought about this a lot since I had the conversation, trying to come up with another explanation, but that was it was, “I don’t want to be bothered.”

I was approached by the woman who helped me checked me in as I was leaving; she asked if I talked to the lady “in charge.” I told her I had and that she couldn’t use me. The check in lady was a little surprised. She asked me if I told her I was with the university and studying installation. I said yes. I told her it was OK. I explained that I live in Plano and there are a lot of places closer that will let me help for school, but I was interested in helping here because it was a faith based show. I would find other ways to get my credits

I had several reactions to this encounter. There was outrage, but not so much personal outrage. To tell you the truth for me to try to get uptown to help would be a huge sacrifice of time for me. What I saw that made me cringe was a ministry killing attitude. It made me question why the church was doing the show. This is important to me because a friend of mine and fellow artist Brenda Gribbon are in the process of starting an arts organization for Christian visual artists. I am thinking through questions like why. What would be the purpose of an organization like that? One of my disappointments with the church that has been hosting the art show for the last three years is that they have said one of the purposes of the show was to connect Christian visual artist in the area. There haven’t been any other events except the show and a meeting where they take input for the show. To their credit they have had some speakers over the years in conjunction with the show, but no movement to create a community of artists. The impetus for Brenda and myself is a desire for community thus opportunity for ministry as artists. The conversation I had this afternoon as I dropped of my art fell short of good ministry for me for several reasons.

As a person who has worked with volunteers and as one who wants to build a community of artist I wonder why I was not asked to do something else if the hanging team was trained and in place. I wondered why the lady “in charge” didn’t take a little more interest in what I was doing, just to be polite. I wondered why I wasn’t asked to give her my name and contact information for next year. I was amazed by how many ministry building opportunities she had missed. My pastor has spoken to me about doing something like they are doing on a smaller scale. If the church is interested in promoting Christian visual artists then an opportunity was missed to begin conversations to grow this idea. But one person’s response won’t stop me; I will try to talk to other people at the opening event. I am on mission. However so far I am not interested in doing things the way they are doing it.

There was a time when I was in a women’s ministry that was flourishing. We put in place some guidelines to help grow ministry. We gleaned the concepts behind them from some of the best leadership in the area. We wanted to expand our women’s ministry to include as many women in the church as we could in a vital way. We wanted to affect the community outside the church too. One of the foremost concepts was the word INCLUDE. So simple but something we women by nature tend to not do by default. We tend to be cliquish. We get comfortable and we like being with our friends and we forget to include and invite. Then we wonder why only 50 women show up for an event when 500 attend church. We wonder why no one volunteers to help. We get burnt out, self righteous, discouraged when our ministry dwindles.

Organizations that want to thrive need to be intentional in their inclusion. They need to think about what’s next and make sure they have people in place to replace members who move on for whatever reason. How many ministries fade away when the people who started them leave?

We did a few simple things. When we built teams we included all demographics of the women in our church; young and old, single and married, with children and empty nesters. When we had an event and organized volunteers we made a rule that we needed to recruit three to four new member or inactive members for each event. We rotated leadership in the various positions. We learned to give ministry away and tried to get as many people involved as possible. We trained our volunteers because we felt some were hesitant to step forward and serve and lead. We nurtured relationships because that is how God works, person to person. We looked for new ways to do something so we could use the gifts and talents of the people in the church. We were thankful for the women who served and lead out. We tried to communicate that. We tried to give ownership to our volunteer by giving them the assignment and letting go. We provided guidelines to keep us all on task and to avoid confusion. We networked with other churches to help us see the bigger picture and learn from their experiences. We believed that the body of Christ is a body and that we can all work together in purpose. It was a beautiful thing. Anyone can do it,

Art Rag II

2009-03-12T13:56:00.000-05:00

I picked up the two pieces from Kinkos last night, in the rain before class. I am sick so I am sure this colors my feelings, but this work which I was really, really liking isn’t working at this stage. I am bummed. But before you think there is a conclusion here, I will tell you this is a process, AND this is the moment of breakthrough. In real art for me there is a point of crisis, something goes haywire and needs to be fixed. You either press on and get it to work or give up. I usually press on, my nature, which is deeply embedded in my genes. The results most of the time is something I love and is better than it would have been had I had no crisis.

But facing the crisis is always, always yucky. I do this maybe I will never attempt mixed media per Photoshop again. Why did I spend the money to see if this would work? I have had this idea, one day I will put it on canvas instead of paper and I will love it, now it is a waste. And a waste of time and I have no mixed media direction. I should go back to bed.

Instead I went and got my drawing pencils and found the imperfections that the scanning process caused can be fixed with a pencil. I may or may not add color. I will go step by step and consult Scott my greatest and most trusted critic.

I need to get stretchers (Maybe I have some. I have quite a few from painting class, I need to look in the garage studio) I need to order a frame.

Something I did get from the gallery gawk on Saturday was when I looked at the mixed media pieces I thought the artist were very, very brave in their work. They really took chances with the media, subject and process. What held it together if it worked, some did, some didn’t, was design.

I want to be brave with my art. Brenda reminded me I was very, very brave with my writing. That helped me think maybe I have it in me.

Scott the critic just in.... "Mom it is the bomb."

We are discussing keeping the imperfections. We decided to reproduce the griding cause by the scan and pull it into the sky instead of correcting the imperfections. To do this I figure I can scan the part of the drawing with the grid on it and print it out. put graphite on the print out and rub it to the sky, subtly reproducing the effect. We think it will work.

It is so much fun to have an artist son.

Art Rag

2009-03-10T23:53:00.000-05:00

My art blog isn’t all I wanted it to be. I have art blog block. I know this is rare and probably not a real problem, but I realized tonight I want to learn to write about art and I get writing about art block. I guess I think I don’t know how or I shouldn’t. There is a language that goes with art. I do speak it, maybe not fluently but I do speak it. Painterly, is my favorite art word at least for now. You know how I am about favorites of anything. I love all the colors. Maybe I lean towards red for while, then blue, brown… who knows what's next? I think it will be black and white art for awhile.

However, this weekend when I went gallery gawking with Brenda I noticed a new trend. Colorful art just like the fashions right now are very, very colorful. And also painting that had a varnish finish, very thick high gloss like an epoxy. Everything shined. I didn’t like it. It looked too Miami. And I know what I am talking about.

Another trend which I did like was the paintings that were done on wood especially an artist named Mark Smith at the Craighead Green Gallery. Check him. Brenda and I fell in love with his work.

Update on my submission. I forgot to pick up my canvas at Kinkos tonight. I ordered a canvas and a watercolor paper print. We will see which one works. I hope they turned out, you never know with Kinkos. (Kinkos is a bad word where I work.)

At work I am actually doing design, as in sketching and then rending in Illustrator. I got into a really interesting place before I had to leave today. I am working on a logo for a church’s capital campaign. The best part is I did this all in front on my boss and she was kind of amazed. Like I was on the light table sketching, then I drew it in illustrator and I was changing the line width and color and adding textures and she doesn’t know people can do these things. Then I tell her where I got the idea; from listening to the lady talk and looking at the architecture of the building and send the lady font samples and asking which one she likes and “look” like her church. People can’t give me a font, but they can choose one that is selected and they know if something fits or not. I know how to work with people.

My biggest frustration with work has always been people under estimating what I can do and not giving me a chance to do things. There I said it. I love the design process. One on my most favorite things was when I made mini quilts. I sometimes got to design them for other people. I would meet the ladies at a fabric store and pick out fabric and talking about motifs and sized and who the piece was for and all. I listen to people then I create. I learn about them and then I design. It isn’t so much about me as it is expressing something artistically for another person.

Work as Art

2009-03-06T01:09:00.000-06:00

It is either this blog or therapy tonight. I worked on art work for the PCPC art show tonight. It was so much like work. And work was really rough today. We got busy and all the usual challenges were there. It was nice to have some distraction. I haven’t had much sleep this week. I’ve stayed up reading, had trouble unwinding after class and then just had a lot on my mind. I haven’t talked to my counselor for about a month and I know I need to. I miss her because we are really just friends now. She is writing curriculum for an online Biblical Counseling course, so she is busy. She has taught at DTS and is a writer. She is always a great encouragement to me.

For the art tonight I took the new scan that didn’t lose the grayscale and once I found it on my hard drive I cut out the drawing shape in photoshop. Next I had to find the background photo on my hard drive and resize it and put it through a watercolor filter. Then I placed the cut out drawing on top. I moved it around a bit. Then I tried to find where I wrote down the finished size that I submitted when I registered for the show. It is nowhere to be found. I made a new size up and hope it is close. 22 x 28 inches. I am writing here in case I ever need to know what the finished size is like when I buy stretchers and a frame.

Next I resized the artwork and saved it as a jpeg, CYMK. That is because the printer will convert it if I don’t. I want to convert it myself. It is a graphic artist thing. I want the control, not to give it to the machine. Then I saved the file in a smaller size in RGB for the web. This all takes time because the file is BIG. Writing this out makes it sound simple, but I almost crashed photoshop when I converted the file to a pdf for Kinkos. I have to walk away from the computer when the large files are converting, resizing or saving. I plan to take the file tomorrow to have it put on canvas.

Interestingly enough the day I redid the scan and decided to go for the canvas my friend Tim came into the print shop to work on some of his products and he wanted to show me his canvases. He does something very much like I do on canvas, so he gave me the inside info. And I discovered watercolors work best on top. So I was very excited and thought Tim’s visit was a God thing.

Now I need to find out when the banner people are at Kinkos. And then the next step will be to add watercolor on top of the canvas. I am going to have three canvases made. I also plan to have some done on the color copier at work. I need to resize the artwork for that and I don’t think I can handle that tonight. It has just been too long of a day on the computer doing work.
On a brighter side, tomorrow at work a lady from a church in Plano is coming to drop off files so I can design them a brochure. That will make me happy. Also I made arrangement with my artist friend Brenda to go gallery hopping on Saturday. She has been a friend to me in a time when I really did lose most of my friends. She is a pretty cool lady, but her sticking it out with me make me love her even more.

It amazes me how writing like this calms me and helps me put things into perspective.

Gallery class or really gallery management class

2009-02-19T16:01:00.000-06:00

Last night Greg lectured about venues; all the place a person can exhibit and how they are organized. It was really mind boggling. He gave us the scoop on what is happening in Dallas. Saturday we are going gallery hopping.

We have to fill out a sheet on each gallery observing different aspects of “the business.”

On a personal note, I am such a fish out of the water. Older undergrad among young undergrads. An undergrad among older graduate students. My task Saturday will be to make some connections with my classmates. We will see how that goes.

It helps because I know my instructor respects me as an artist even though I am a believer. That makes me not fit in also. I try to look at my time at UTD as being on the mission field.

We will, see what God can do with it.

Must Vent!

2009-02-14T00:29:00.000-06:00

I have struggled with the file all evening and feeling like I am at WORK! I had to make decisions about processes that I am not sure will work. Oh, the artist... I know she will manage to make something work.

I want to reproduce the Photoshop file on canvas at Fedex Office, the banner department. I used to do banners for the Yutes. I did take in a whopping big file that crashed their computer. I get these phone calls. You crashed the computer! Anyway. They only accept pdf's so that will reduce the size some.

I may or may not work on top of the canvas. I may leave the art as is. I will also reproduce the artwork on the amazing Canon copier at work. The material we produce looks like photos. Very cool on different type papers. Oh paper that is a whole other thing. I want to try several. So this art is not done yet.

As for my friend John* my week was such that I could not speak to him much. However I have decided to make him a smaller copy of the art and give it to him with my artist statement and some more. He will mention it to me. So I pray for more conversations with him. He is an astronomer and gave me a card at Christmas that he made from photos made from a telescope of the universe. AMAZING. And he doesn't believe in God.

My 100 word ar less statement:

“The Embrace” captures the moment of reunion between the father and the son. It expresses in story form the lovingkindness of the Father as He receives us His wayward children back home nothing short of full reconciliation. The son asks for forgiveness, the father restores his rights as a son and in honor of his return calls for celebration.

The figures form a triangle as the two embrace. The Trinity is pictured; the Father, the Son and the relationship between the two depicted as an embrace representing the Spirit of God.

Artist Statement (long version)

2009-02-13T21:31:00.000-06:00

The Prodigal Son: The Embrace
Luke 15:20

So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

The first movement in the story is the son’s return motivated by the realization of his need brought on by squalid living. When the son’s outer reality begins to match the inner reality of his abandoned lifestyle the son comes to his senses.

He recalls the character of his father whom he has rejected by asking for his inheritance before the father’s death. This is akin to telling the father, “I wish you were dead.” He knows his father will treat him better as a servant than the foreigners he serves treat him as a hired hand. He gets up and returns home.

The second movement in the story is that of the father who has not lost hope but expectantly waits for the son’s return. When seeing his son’s from a distance he runs to him, throws his arms around him and kisses him.

The mixed media piece is called The Embrace. The work captures the moment of reunion; father to son. It expresses in story form the lovingkindness of the Father as He receives us His wayward children back home nothing short of full reconciliation. The son asks for forgiveness, the father restores his rights as a son and in honor of his return calls for celebration.

The figures form a triangle as the two embrace. The Trinity is pictured; the Father, the Son and the relationship between the two depicted as an embrace representing the Spirit of God.

Technical Difficulties

2009-02-13T00:37:00.000-06:00

Art has a life of its own. The rest of this process should prove interesting. I am losing some midtones in the face going to CYMK for the print. I need a colorcopier to scan or I am going to have to photograph the drawing and deal with light and distortion.

The photoshop file for the college is 468 M. I want to crash Kinkos computer for the third time.

Tweaking

2009-02-09T23:24:00.000-06:00

I added some contrast tonight because I didn't take it to work to scan. It was raining and I didn't want to risk it getting wet.

I plan to take it tomorrow. There is an older gentleman who comes in everyday. He doesn't believe in God. Every once in awhile we talk about spiritual things. I want to talk to him about the drawing. He asks me everyday about my classes because he used to teach college classes. The Lord has put it on my heart to tell him about His love. I think that is what the drawing is about loving kindness or compassion.

Went to look up the word I am talking about online and I came across Matthew Henry. I need to put this into my own words, but somehow through the art I want to tell John * how huge God is and how solid is love is.

The Lord descended by some open token of his presence and manifestation of his glory in a cloud, and thence proclaimed his NAME; that is, the perfections and character which are denoted by the name JEHOVAH. The Lord God is merciful; ready to forgive the sinner, and to relieve the needy. Gracious; kind, and ready to bestow undeserved benefits. Long-suffering; slow to anger, giving time for repentance, only punishing when it is needful. He is abundant in goodness and truth; even sinners receive the riches of his bounty abundantly, though they abuse them. All he reveals is infallible truth, all he promises is in faithfulness. Keeping mercy for thousands; he continually shows mercy to sinners, and has treasures, which cannot be exhausted, to the end of time. Forgiving iniquity, and transgression, and sin; his mercy and goodness reach to the full and free forgiveness of sin. And will by no means clear the guilty; the holiness and justice of God are part of his goodness and love towards all his creatures. In Christ's sufferings, the Divine holiness and justice are fully shown, and the evil of sin is made known. God's forgiving mercy is always attended by his converting, sanctifying grace. None are pardoned but those who repent and forsake the allowed practice of every sin; nor shall any escape, who abuse, neglect, or despise this great salvation. Moses bowed down, and worshipped reverently. Every perfection in the name of God, the believer may plead with Him for the forgiveness of his sins, the making holy of his heart, and the enlargement of the Redeemer's kingdom.

Finished

2009-02-09T00:05:00.000-06:00

For Now.

This will be a mixed media piece. Mixed media just happens. We will see where this one goes. I also need an artist statement.

Rendered

2009-02-08T20:10:00.000-06:00

Looks like it is going to happen, I need this done tonight. Scan tomorrow at work. Scott says more contrast in the face, especially his. Yes.

Drawing and Listening

2009-02-08T00:44:00.000-06:00

A New Friend

2009-02-07T14:42:00.001-06:00

I met Irv Steinberg when he came into the shop to have a postcard for his photography show made. He was approached by a friend of of his who works for the American Heart Association to do a benefit. Irv was a celebrity photographer in NYC. I found it fun to work with someone who met the Beatles in their American tours, knew JFK and Marilyn. There isn't anyone he did not capture with his camera. Fun!

Drawing Two

2009-02-07T00:59:00.000-06:00

I have to finish this part of the art this weekend. I need to submit next Sat by noon. It doesn't have to be complete, but I have a lot to do.

I am enjoying this. I forget how much I love to draw.

There is something about drawing a face. It takes a little bit of courage or respect. Especially if you know the person. I started to draw wondering how I could do it successfully, I didn't know. I just did it. That is a sort of fearlessness. I can't say faith, but a suspension of judgement. Just do it. Well, it worked. I tried to observe the reference drawing as carefully as I could. And there is a face.

I am always amazed. When something works, I never feel like I did it, but it just happened, I allowed it to happen. I guess it is a gift.

Drawing

2009-02-06T00:34:00.000-06:00

This is a bad photo that I tried to get to look better, but it shows the start. I work from left to righ to avoid dragging my arm continually through a rendering. I still am not sure what else. I am going to photograph the bike path by my house with all the electrical wire. Not so much for that but it is a path and I can get the look of distance. I still am thinking of framing it with a cardboard box with writing on it like "will work for food."

I love drawing. It is nice to turn on the itunes and draw. Good stuff.

Putting the Pencil to the Paper

2009-01-26T00:28:00.000-06:00

Putting the pencil to the paper isn't as easy as it seems. I decided to write for 3 hours and draw for 3 hours. I messed a round, then wrote for 4 hours. Then I messed around and drew for an hour and a half, but I didn't want to stop.

It takes forever to get going, but now I am set up. I have a set of drawing pencils, a white eraser, an eraser guard, a brush to deal with stray graphite, tape, my favorite drawing board, reference photos, a pencil sharpener and the computer, headphones and itunes.

This only took me 30 minutes and 5 trips to the garage where I have the best place to paint. It is full of art ready to be finished. It will be someday. I am glad I have part of a hand done that when I showed it to Scott, he said, "cool."

The Artist in full bloom and all the weirdness that goes with it.

I have so much to write, it is scribbled on pieces of paper all over my room and in my head and it will only get worse while I draw.

More Thought on the Prodigal Son and the Good Samaritan

2009-01-22T00:07:00.000-06:00

I have a lot on my mind, but this is the second week of school and I am tired. So I want to go to bed and I want to write. I might not make any sense.

I couldn't think of anyone better to model with Scott as the Father in the Prodigal Son than my pastor Dave Jobe. There are several things he has said in sermons that have stuck with me and have become a part of me, I hope. Last year when he talked about getting back in the game and this year when he talked about believers needing to enlarge their defintions of family. I think personally both these statements deal with the themes in the Prodigal Son and the Good Samaritan.

I am particularly attracted to the story about the Prodigal Son and I think the photos we did are strong images. Tonight when I left my art lecture class I was so full of thoughts and connections I had a clear vision of where the art needs to go. I realize I struggle with seeing God as loving as I am going to portray Him as in the Embrace. I started to see how I box Him in and want to contain Him. Then I thought of the crates or boxes that homeless people sleep in and I decided I want both the pieces framed in a photo of a crate or cardboard box. I just thought particularly with the Good Samaritan and the question, who is my brother and my interest in the homeless. Also Bryants ministry to the homeless makes that reference appealing to me.

I thought of the Prodigal Son in a crate and I think even if I frame or contain the image it will remain strong and that it will show that we can limit God, but His love is so appealing, it can't be diminshed by us.

I had these thoughts while I passed under the trees at the place where God Speaks to Me. And I cried because I know as I passed through the spot He spoke to me very, very clearly about the art work.

He also spoke to me during the lecture. More on that later.

The Prodigal

2009-01-20T00:12:00.000-06:00

The photo shoot went very well. It was very hard to decide on the photo to use. I have two to consider. I think I am leaning towards the embrace. I am being good and not writing about this tonight.

The Embrace

The Blessing

Process

2009-01-19T00:37:00.000-06:00

Started the process for my mixed media art for the PCPC Artfestival 2009 entry. Bryant showed up tonight and so I had him pose with Scott for the portrait part of the Good Samaritan. We were trying to decide who should be who. It was dinner time and Bryant asked Scott for some food. Scott said "NO." He was giving Bryant a hard time, but that clinched it, Bryant is the merciful stranger and Scott, well, he needed to be beat up.

Who is my brother? Well, they sure act like they are brothers. I kept telling Bryant, "get closer, like you are going to whisper in his ear."

Next I will enlarge the photo to the size I want it and trace a fine outline. If I can use a light table I am happy. This gives me good placement. Scott says I cheat. It feels a little like coloring to me, but I have to remember most people cannot do it not matter what they trace.

Last years rendering... Tomorrow night the Prodigal Son photo shoot.

What's Goin' On

2009-01-16T21:03:00.000-06:00

Gray sky morning
Frozen fingers
Crossing

I wanted to talk a bit about Greg’s gallery class.

For those of you who don’t know the Art Barn as we call it in the Arts and Humanities, Arts and Performance side of the campus at UTD, has a large space at its center which is the gallery. When Greg Metz my instructor came to UTD about 14 years ago, it became his charge. At that time very little was done with it. Greg has created an interesting history of shows. They are always contemporary and always different. The calendar includes several student shows and shows that the full time instructors curate.

The Gallery class started off based on a class at UTA where a group of students help run the gallery there. The class at UTD has evolved from that to one that includes speakers, museum trips, gallery hops and lots of volunteer hours in the arts community. Bottom line we get to meet a lot of interesting people that make art happen in Dallas. We will be hanging shows and helping at art auctions. This is a very welcome change of pace for me.

On the personal art front I am trying to arrange a photo shoot for my submission to the PCPC Art Show. The two parables I have chosen are the Prodigal Son and the Good Samaritan. Hopefully this weekend I will be meditating on the text and writing about it. I have some idea in my mind about the Prodgial Son and what I want to do in that art.

That is where it starts. There is a picture in my head that I will aim at, but it never happens, something else does, always an adventure.

I have been going over in my mind the possibility of teaching art in my home. I would love that. Not sure if it is the time, I really don’t have a lot of time. But it is there in my mind.

I teach at the shelter tomorrow. I have to get down what I am doing. Tara and I talked about painting with oil pastels. I got the oderless mineral spirits today at Home Depot and I need to get some new reference stuff together. I need something for the other class to do. I may actually give in and do how to draw. For some reason when people sign up that is what they expect. I am so grateful to have Tara as a student because she loves to experiment and would never ask to do how to draw.

Ohio Photography Show

2009-01-10T10:53:00.000-06:00

While visiting Dayton I decided to check out some local art. A new show opened at the Dayton Visual Arts Center featuring Ohio Photographers. I thought that would be a show of interest. The show was organized by the Massillon Museum of Art, a traveling exhibit called "In the Garden."

The purpose of the MVAC is to promote area artists through shows, arts talks and art auctions. They also help connect area artists with galleries and collector who are interested in contemporary art. The space is small, one gallery room, still the art was generously displayed.

I enjoyed the diversity of art presented; from platinum photography to archival inkjet on rice paper. The most unusual process was xray. The rice paper prints were my favorite because they resembled Japanese block prints. They were an unexpected find.

Since the show was exhibited in a contemporary art setting I wasn't surprised to find some but not all of the work digitally manipulated. I thought the results, the brilliant color and painterly quality of the work justified the process.

The subject matter followed along the of the shows title "In the Garden." Since I have never met a plant I did not like, in its entirety I enjoyed the exhibit.

This is my portfolio blog.

2009-01-01T22:45:00.000-06:00

Art, photography, graphic design only and articles related. Oh yea. Art Ministry.

The Christmas card I did not send this year. merry christmas and a blessed new year.